The basic rule: half to one-third
Kodengaeshi is the thank-you gift sent after the mourning period to everyone who gave koden. The nationwide reference is half (han-gaeshi) to one-third of the amount received.
| Koden received | Return gift |
|---|---|
| 5,000 yen | Item worth about 2,000-2,500 yen |
| 10,000 yen | Item worth about 3,000-5,000 yen |
| 30,000 yen | Item worth about 10,000-15,000 yen |
| 50,000 yen and above | About one-third is considered perfectly polite |
Large amounts from relatives carry a mutual-support meaning, so returning only a third is accepted - no need to force a half.
Timing: after the mourning period
- Buddhist: within a month after the 49th-day service
- Shinto: after the 50th-day rite
- Christian: no original return custom, but in Japan gifts are commonly sent around the one-month memorial (Protestant) or memorial mass (Catholic)
- Same-day return (sokujitsu-gaeshi): a uniform 2,500-5,000 yen item handed to everyone at the reception desk; those who gave larger amounts receive a supplementary gift after the 49th day
Choosing the gift
The principle is "leave nothing of the sad occasion behind" - so consumables are the norm.
- Classics: tea or coffee, nori, sweets, detergent, towels Find towel gift sets Find tea gift sets
- Catalog gifts: easy to match to any amount and let the recipient choose - today's mainstream Find catalog gifts
- Avoid: meat and fish ("four-legged, raw-smelling" goods), alcohol (celebratory), and bare gift vouchers (the amount is visible - opinions split; a catalog gift offers the same convenience without the issue)
Gift label and thank-you letter
- Inscription: 志 (kokorozashi) nationwide; 満中陰志 (manchuinshi) is common from Kansai westwards
- Cord: black-and-white musubi-kiri (yellow-and-white in parts of Kansai)
- Name: the family name ("〇〇家") or the chief mourner's full name
- Letter: a formal note reporting the end of mourning and expressing thanks; department stores and specialist shops provide set phrases
Special cases
- Return declined: respect it - send a thank-you letter instead. Company koden paid from welfare budgets also needs no return
- Joint koden: if the per-person share is small, individually wrapped sweets to share work well
- Odd amounts: no need for arithmetic precision - choose a well-priced item within the range
Related pages
The amounts shown here are general reference figures only. Appropriate amounts differ by region, relationship and local custom. Before deciding on an actual amount, we recommend checking with your family or people around you.
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Frequently asked questions
How much should the return gift cost?
Half to one-third of the koden received. For 10,000 yen, an item worth 3,000-5,000 yen is typical.
When do I send it?
In Buddhist practice, within a month after the 49th-day service. With same-day returns, send a supplementary gift afterwards to those who gave larger amounts.
What is the difference between 志 and 満中陰志?
Both are return-gift inscriptions. 志 is used nationwide; 満中陰志 - thanks upon completing the 49-day period - is the Kansai and western-Japan form.
Are gift vouchers acceptable?
Opinions split because the amount is visible. A catalog gift gives the same freedom of choice without that concern.
What if the giver declines a return gift?
Respect their wish - convey thanks with a letter or call instead.
How much for same-day returns?
A uniform item of about 2,500-5,000 yen, with supplementary gifts after the 49th day for larger koden.
