Replying to the invitation
Return the RSVP card within 2-3 days, a week at most. If your schedule is unsettled, let the couple know first, then reply by the deadline.
- Correct the addressee's 行 (yuki) to 様 (sama) with a double strike-through
- Strike through honorifics directed at yourself: the 御 in 御出席, the 御芳 in 御芳名. Overwriting them with the character 寿 (kotobuki-keshi) is the extra-polite version
- Add a short congratulatory message - traditionally without punctuation marks, which evoke "ends" and "breaks"; use spaces and line breaks instead
- Screen your message with the Taboo Word Checker
Preparing and handing over the gift money
Prepare brand-new bills and carry the envelope wrapped in a fukusa cloth. At the reception desk, take it out, turn it so the inscription faces the receptionist, and offer it with both hands, saying "Honjitsu wa omedeto gozaimasu."
Amounts and envelope writing are covered relationship-by-relationship in the Goshugi Envelope & Amount Guide. Find a fukusa cloth
During the ceremony
- Phone off or silent - a ringtone ruins the moment
- Photography follows venue rules; many venues prohibit photos during the ceremony itself
- If you are running late, contact the emergency number you were given, not the venue - and wait for staff guidance rather than entering mid-ceremony
At the reception
- Toast: raise your glass to eye level; keep clinking subtle
- Mingling: the couple are the stars - do not monopolize them
- If asked to give a speech: about 3 minutes; avoid inside jokes, past relationships and work failures, and screen the text with the Taboo Word Checker
- Leaving your seat: say "shitsurei shimasu" (excuse me), never "kaerimasu" (I'm going home)
Leaving and thanking
At the close, offer congratulations and thanks to the couple and their parents. Double-check your seat for the gift bag - it is the most-forgotten item. Sending photos or a message afterwards is always appreciated.
Related pages
PR — This page contains promotional content
Frequently asked questions
How soon should I return the RSVP card?
Within 2-3 days of receiving it, a week at most. If undecided, contact the couple first and still reply by the deadline.
How do I strike the honorifics on the card?
Cross out the 御 in 御出席 and the 御芳 in 御芳名 with a double line. Overwriting with the character 寿 (kotobuki-keshi) is the extra-polite variant.
Why no punctuation in the congratulatory message?
Full stops and commas evoke 'ends' and 'breaks', so celebratory messages traditionally avoid them - use spaces and line breaks for readability.
Can I take photos during the ceremony?
Follow the venue's and the couple's rules. Many venues prohibit photography during the ceremony; if nothing is announced, ask the staff.
What should a speech avoid?
Keep it around 3 minutes. Avoid inside jokes, past romances, and taboo words (separation words and doubled words) - check the text in advance.
Can I bring my children?
Only if their names appear on the invitation. If not, the invitation is for the named guests only - always consult the couple beforehand, never just bring them.
